[serpents kiss dot com]

Had to laugh at this when I read it in the good old Currant Bun (that’s the Sun, for all you non-UK people).

It appears that Michael Owen’s management company has produced a 6 or 8 page booklet about him, and has distributed it to English Premier League clubs with a view to getting their talent signed back in the top flight.

So, what on earth would you put in a brochure like that?

For Sale: One ex-world class striker, three previous owners, free to a good home.

Owner 1: scally boy racers in the North-West of England. Nippy little runner, always on target, got you from A to B. Won a few trophies for performance over the years

Owner 2: Spanish company. Sold at huge profit, spent lots of time in garage or on the drive, watching all the other cars go by. Always looked at odds with the locals, who preferred newer, faster models

Owner 3: Trophy purchase by once-proud North-East football team. Spent nearly 3 years in the body shop being repaired. Never performed as well as used to, had a tendency to break down, usually when needed for important tasks.

Lease now up. Running costs will be halved in order to stay in the top flight

I’m not sorry to see him leaving the Toon. Quite the opposite. He’s not the player he was, ever since he was sent packing to Real Madrid to warm their bench. Since he’s been with us, it’s simply been a vanity buy, just to say “Oh look, we’ve got Michael Owen“. No goals this year, only seven goals all season, and how many games did he manage to play? 15 or so? Out of 38. Bargain.

And now his contract has expired, so he’s off on a free. All that talk over the last 2 years about how he feels he owes Newcastle and their fans something, to repay them for the faith they kept. Well, he didn’t deliver, and never looked like he was going to. And now we’re relegated, you simply can’t have Michael Owen playing in the Championship, now, can you? Oh no. Not das wunderkind, no.

Well, here’s some news for any club thinking about signing him. Want to spend £40-50k a year on a player who looks like he’s trying to break Darren Anderton’s record for time in the treatment room? Someone who can average you a goal every 5 or six games? Best of luck. I sure as hell wouldn’t want him in my team.

It’s like pantomime…. “It’s behind you, Michael!” “What is?” “Your career”